I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
