He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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