Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
