Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
