I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
ugly people sure do ruin things
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
