Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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