they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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