You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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