I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
