Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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