i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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