Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
