the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
