so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
