I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Randomize
