ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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