I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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