Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
