No awkward lesbian experiences without me
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Randomize
