He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
