this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize