he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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