How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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