I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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