it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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