Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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