So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
