Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
