So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
