he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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