Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
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