Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
