I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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