i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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