I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize