I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You ruined the universe
My feet surprised me
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
