We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
