sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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