Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
