she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I have fence marks all over my body
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
