He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
