Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
