If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
