So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
