Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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