I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
