Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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