she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
