So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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