VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
