He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
