Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Terrible idea I love it
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
