I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
