I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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