if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
