I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
