I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize