if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
