So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
