When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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