I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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