The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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