no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You're like the curious george of whores
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
