Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
