I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize