remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
