I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
