Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
