Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
