i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
