So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
