I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
My ATM looks so different sober.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
