it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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