and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Randomize
