Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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