You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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