We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize